So, admittedly (and if you know of the other teams I follow), it's been a while since any of my favorite teams have had a chance to win a major trophy of any kind. But I do have some experience in cheering on the guys playing for them, and I have seen almost all of my favorite teams hoist a major trophy at the end of a season. The Dallas Cowboys (1992, 1993 & 1995), the Dallas Mavericks (2011), the Dallas Stars (1999), the Houston Dynamo (2006, 2007) and our beloved Eagles hoisted the DFB Pokal at the end of the 2018 season. While some of us may be new to this, there is a definite protocol in terms of behavior in order to secure our team a trophy and represent the best fan group on the planet: Eintracht Internationale. So, from a seasoned veteran, let me share with you some game-day rituals and superstitions that are for sure going to give Die Adler the energy they need to finish this off.
*Author's Note: This piece is complete satire and designed to be funny. Please take any outrage at this post somewhere else. I'm a fan first and a blog writer. Everyone just chill and have some fun.*
Game Day Do's and Don'ts.
Do:
Wear your lucky charms. All of them. If you have to wear two Eintracht Trinkos (Frauen and Manner......not that I'm pointing at you @Najakwa......but I'm pointing at you @Najakwa), then it is ultra necessary on Wednesday, May 18th. If you have bracelets, socks, shoes, hats, scarves or your lucky pair of underwear......you wear them. I don't care if you look like a 15th Century knight or Joey from Friends when he put on all of Chandler's clothes. YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
Don't
Wash your lucky clothes before the game. Don't you dare wash that luck off of your charms. Now's not the time people......desperate times call for desperate measures. It's winning time, suck it up and tuff it out. No matter how bad it smells or if you accidentally spilled currywurst sauce on it. It's go time.
Do:
Don't:
Be that person. You know.....that guy that goes to the other team's favorite spot just to raise a ruckus and be a general jerk? I've done that, please learn from my younger, much dumber self, this is a really bad idea. It's risky for your teeth, that's all I'm saying.
Do:
Don't:
Drink soo much you can't remember what happened/pass out before the game even starts. Don't drink soo much you are stumbling and mumbling come match time. We're adults. We do that after the final whistle. We have serious "12-ing" to do during the match, we need everyone on their A-game.
Do:
Head to the forest, and relieve yourself on a tree. WE ALL KNOW IT'S FOR LUCK.
During the game:
Do:
Find a comfy spot with a good view. Make sure you have both food and drink close at hand, and plenty of room to jump up and pump your fists without striking another Eagle.
Don't:
Whatever you do, for the love of all that is good and Holy, move from that spot. Not to grab a snack, not to go to the bathroom, not if you or your wife goes into labor. NOT FOR ANY REASON. Unless we down 0:1, then everyone must switch seats.
Do
Sing every song in the Eintracht Song Book. Even if you don't know the words, fake it and sing as loud as you can. I'll be singing all day here by my lonesome (that's Texas speech by the way) in Houston, Tx.
Don't
Pretend like you're working. Everybody knows......
After The Game:
Do:
Talk trash to everyone whose team didn't win a trophy this year. American fans, I mean anyone.
Oh, you like the LA Lakers? That's nice, did they win a trophy this year? My team did.
Oh, Yankees.....how cute of you. By the way, did you see the trophy my team won?
You support Dortmund? ((snicker)) Would you like to see what an actual trophy winner looks like?
I see you wearing that Manchester United shirt. Look, here's the Europa League trophy. You've probably forgotten what one of these looks like.....
I've already set this up with all the West Ham fans at my school. Friday is going to be brutal for them.
Do:
Go around shouting: "Eintracht von Main, nur du sollst heute sieeeeeeegeeeeen. Eintracht von Main weil wir dich alle lieeeeeeeben." I'm going to be putting it on repeat.
Do:
Remember to prepare responsibly for the ridiculous after-party.
Lastly......Do:
Enjoy every single second of it. Then, prepare to repeat it all next year when we make our Champions League run. We're the best team in Europe, we're the best fans in Europe. The whole world is about to find out.
Thanks again for reading,
Forza S.G.E.!
Im Herzen von Europa liegt mein Frankfurt am Main
Die Bundesliga gibt sich hier gar oft ein Stell-dich-ein
Hier gibt es eine Eintracht, die spielt Fußball ganz famos
Man kennt sie nicht nur am Mainestrand, nein auf der ganzen Welt
Und wenn sie gewinnt im Waldstadion, dann ist die Stimmung groß
Eintracht vom Main, nur du sollst heute siegen
Eintracht vom Main, weil wir dich alle lieben
Schieß noch ein Tor, dem Gegner in den Kasten rein
Jeder wird sagen, ohne zu fragen
In dieser schönen Stadt am Main
Eintracht aus Frankfurt, du schaffst es wieder
Deutscher Meister zu sein
Der Eine liebt sein Mädchen, und der andre liebt den Sport
Wir schwören auf die Eintracht auch mit unserm Ehrenwort
Führt sie der Weg mal fort von hier in andre Stadien rein
Wir sind in Gedanken immer bei Dir, nie wird es anders sein
Begleiten wird sie unser Chor, drum stimmet all mit ein
Eintracht vom Main, nur du sollst heute siegen
Eintracht vom Main, weil wir dich alle lieben
Schiess noch ein Tor, dem Gegner in den Kasten rein
Jeder wird sagen, ohne zu fragen in dieser schönen Stadt am Main
Eintracht aus Frankfurt, du schaffst es wieder, Deutscher Meister zu sein
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